Domestic Violence is emotional or physical abuse, or the threat of physical abuse, used by one person in a relationship to gain control over the other person. The incidents often start small, but grow in frequency and severity throughout the life of the relationship. After each incident of violence there is a "honeymoon" phase in which the abuser may express regret, promise to change and/or blame his/her partner for what happened. There is then a period of tension, ending in another explosion of violence.

Domestic Violence does not distinguish between rich, poor or middle class. It occurs with equal frequency within all ethnic and religious communities, including the Jewish community. Furthermore, domestic violence occurs in all kinds of relationships - gay, lesbian and teen relationships, as well as heterosexual relationships.

Women and Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is the most prevalent cause of injury to women in the United States. In 95% of all documented assaults, the crime was committed by men against women. Approximately one-third of all women murdered in this country are killed by their abusers. Domestic violence is also a major cause of homelessness of women and children.Women fleeing domestic violence often return to their abuser repeatedly before making a complete break.

Domestic Violence and the Jewish Community
According to stereotypes, Jewish families are warm and nurturing, and Jewish women are strong, well-educated, and in control of their own lives and the lives of their family. In addition, our tradition has placed on women the role of maintaining "Shalom Bayit", peace in the home. As a result, there is a false belief that Jewish women are unlikely to be victims of abuse. These stereotypes and perceived responsibilities create an atmosphere of shame and disbelief around the issue of domestic violence, preventing Jewish women who are abused from seeking help. So Jewish women tend to stay in violent relationships longer than non-Jewish women by an average of five to seven years

Gay and Lesbian Domestic Violence
The prevalence of domestic violence is the same in same-sex relationships as in heterosexual relationships. Furthermore, the dynamics and cycle of violence are similar. What is different is the lack of appropriate services, and less responsiveness to crisis calls by police.

Abusers
Domestic violence is about control. Abusers have an obsessive need to be "in control" -not only of their partners but often of their public image, giving little or no indication of their private behavior. When an abuser is considered a "pillar of the community," the victim will find it difficult to ask for help and may not be believed when she or he does ask.

Children
Domestic violence has a profound effect on children. Children who are raised in an abusive home grow up as if they are in a constant state of siege, and are unable to mature through the normal stages of child development. For example, in order to stay safe a child in an abusive home must be hyper-vigilant. This will often translate in school as short attention span and the inability to focus. If proper intervention is not provided, the child may fail in school and suffer from low self-esteem. By middle school this child will be at greater risk of participating in gang activity, drug use, and/or violent behavior. They may also become involved in teenage dating violence.

Violence is a learned behavior. It is hard for children in violent homes to learn trust or empathy. They grow up thinking that violence is a part of the "normal" interaction between people - even those who we purport to love. Therefore, it is much more likely that these children will become abusers or victims as adults. Thus the cycle of violence is perpetuated.

Gay and Lesbian Domestic Violence
The prevalence of domestic violence is the same in same-sex relationships as in heterosexual relationships. Furthermore, the dynamics and cycle of violence are similar. What is different is the lack of appropriate services, and less responsiveness to crisis calls by police.