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Faith-Based and Non-Faith Based Divorce Resources
For Children, Parents, Grandparents and Professionals

Jewish Resources:
  1. Amram, David Werner. The Jewish Law of Divorce. New York, NY: Hermon Press, 1975.
  2. Broyde, Michael J. Marriage, Divorce and the Abandoned Wife in Jewish Law: A Conceptual Understanding of the Agunah Problems in America. New York: Ktav Publishing House, 2000.
  3. Bulka, Rabbi Dr. Reuven P. Jewish Divorce Ethics: The Right Way to Say Goodbye. Ogdensburg, NY: Ivy League Press, Inc., 1992.
  4. Eskenazi, Joe. "Parents' juvenile behavior can worsen pain of divorce." The Jewish Bulletin of Northern California. 22 Dec. 2000
    Synopsis and/or Review: When adults manage to behave like adults, then children can manage to enjoy being children - even during divorce.
    That's the opinion Philip M. Stahl puts out in his new book, "Parenting After Divorce." The Dublin psychologist and specialist in high-conflict divorce maintains that the parents' divorce itself is not so much a problem for children as the separation and conflict that often follow.
  5. Falk, Z.W. Jewish Matrimonial Law in the Middle Ages. London: Oxford University Press, 1966.
    Synopsis and/or Review: This book deals with the development of Jewish marriage and divorce. It shows the evolution of monogamy, the forms of engagement and nuptials, the restrictions on divorce, and the status of married women from their Biblical-Talmudic origins until the Middle Ages. Thus a series of reforms in Jewish law can be recognized. A comparison with the canon law and Germanic custom reveals a number of similarities, most of them reflecting a Christian influence upon Jewish thought. Other rules are the result of similar social conditions within Jewry and Christendom, or of the inspiration of the former to the latter.
  6. Freid, Jacob. Jews and Divorce. New York: Ktav Publishing House, 1968.
  7. Friedman, Nathalie. Divorced Parent and the Jewish Community. American Jewish Committee, 1985.
  8. Geller, Laura : "Mourning a Marriage", Focus: Reform Judaism, Spring 2000 pp. 54-
  9. Grollman, Earl A. "Becoming Whole Again." Focus: Reform Judaism. Spring, 2001: 42-44
    Synopsis and/or Review: Divorce pushes you to the edge of a cliff; you are forced to respond to a new life. You can start again.
    Rabbi Earl A. Grollman served as spiritual leader of Beth El Temple Center, Belmont, MA for thirty-six years. The author of twenty-six books on such subjects as divorce, dying, death, and Alzheimer's, he lectures extensively around the world.
  10. Har-Even, Judyth: "My 'Un-Wedding' Ceremony", Focus: Reform Judaism, Spring 2000 pp.51-53
  11. Lerner, Leigh: "Restore the Get", Focus: Reform Judaism, Spring 2000, pp.55/58.
  12. Lewittes, Mendell. Jewish Marriage: Rabbinic Law, Legend, and Custom. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aaronson Inc., 1994. Synopsis and/or Review: Every Jewish bride and groom look forward to participating in the ceremonial rituals that have become the hallmark of the Jewish wedding: signing the ketubah (nuptial contract), kiddushim (betrothal), chuppah (the wedding), the wedding benedictions, and the wedding feast. But whish of these practices are actually Halakhah (required by Jewish law) and which are Minhag (local customs that evolved into universal practice)? What is the appropriate age to marry, according to the rabbis of the Talmud? Is the commandment to procreate incumbent upon both male and female? What kind of marriage is prohibited by Jewish law and what kind is mandatory? Mendell Lewittes answers all of these questions and more by presenting a comprehensive review of the laws, customs, and literary heritage pertaining to Jewish marriage.
  13. Maslin, Rabbi Simeon J. "Yes, There Is A Reform Divorce Document, But Don't Call It a 'Get.'" Focus, Reform Judaism, Spring 2000 pp. 47-50
  14. Porter, Jack Nusan. Women in Chains: A Sourcebook on the Agunah. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aaronson, Inc., 1995.
  15. Riskin, Shlomo. Women and Jewish Divorce: The Rebellious Wife, the Agunah and the Right of Women to Initiate Divorce in Jewish Law. Hoboken, NJ: Ktav Publishing House Inc., 1989.
    Synopsis and/or Review: Can women faced with an intolerable marital situation initiate divorce in Jewish law? Not for the last seven centuries. But this was not always so, and in this trail-blazing book Rabbi Riskin argues that there are ways in which women can start divorce proceedings.
    In early Talmudic times, a woman who refused to participate in marital relations because of pique was the subject of increasingly harsh rabbinic legislation. In late Amoraic and medieval times, the focus of debate shifted. If the wife claimed that her husband aroused an uncontrollable repugnance in her, some authorities were willing to coerce the husband to divorce his wife after a suitable period.
    After the twelfth century and under the influence of Rabbenu Tam, most authorities rejected this solution. Concern was centered on preserving the family. So overwhelming was Rabbenu Tam's personality and so cogent his legal reasoning that all subsequent halakhic decisors accepted his views on the subject. To this day the law remains as he formulated it.
    The thesis of this work is that Rabbenu Tam's was a minority opinion, and that the mechanism for permitting wives to initiate and carry through divorce proceedings exists - if we are willing to use it. Such a mechanism may also provide a solution to one of the most tragic and vexing problems of modern Orthodox family life - the plight of those thousands of women whose husbands refuse them a religious divorce though they themselves have remarried after receiving a civil decree. In an appendix, Rabbi Riskin presents his version of a premarital agreement designed to prevent this situation from occurring.
  16. Seltzer, Rabbi Sanford: When There is No Alternative: A Spiritual Guide for Jewish Couples Contemplating Divorce, Their Families, The Rabbis Who Counsel Them and the Synagogues That Serve Them. UAHC Press, 2000.


Spiritual (non-denominational) Resources:
  1. Ford, Debbie, John V. McShane (preface) and Neale Donald Walsh. Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life. San Francisco: Harper Perennial Inc., 2001.
    Synopsis and/or Review: Whether you are the one who leaves or the one who is left, divorce s a painful wrenching experience, explains author Debbie Ford. Since Ford is comfortable dwelling in the shadow side of life, it is not surprising that she believes that the excruciating pain of divorce can lead to enormous spiritual growth. "Emotional turmoil can be a powerful catalyst to reconnect us with our divine nature, " she writes. "It propels s into a journey of self discovery and urges us to learn how to love and accept our entire being." Herein lies the promise of a "spiritual divorce."
    Because Ford is a highly effective workshop leader, she has a knack for breaking down spiritual matters into manageable bites. She is also wiling to share the truth of her own painful divorce, allowing readers to see her initial pain and consuming resentment. Ford divides her book into seven laws, beginning with "The Law of Acceptance," where readers are asked to imagine a benevolent divine order at play rather than taking a blaming stance. In the section titled "The Law of Responsibility," Ford encourages readers to gently begin the process of taking responsibility for their own darkest qualities. This is the thrust of Ford's highly respected shadow work - illuminating the dark side so we can stand in divine light. Each section ends with "Healing Action Steps," where Ford suggests specific exercises or meditations. For example, in the final chapter Ford asks readers to make a new "divorce vow" that is a lifelong commitment to one's highest self.
  2. Shlemon, Barbara Leahy. Healing the Wounds of Divorce: A Spiritual Guide to Recovery. Ave Maria Press, 1992.
    Synopsis and/or Review: The author offers seventeen short chapters dealing with such issues as children, finance and relatives, but also with spiritual concerns such as fear, guilt and forgiveness. Accompanying prayers invite readers to surrender their sorrow to God.
    This book has profoundly captured all the pertinent issues of divorce for a religious person. Even if one isn't particularly religious, but wants to move past the pain of divorce, this book is helpful. It is easily read, and one that you'll want to read often. Reading it is a healing experience.


Secular Resources:
  1. Clapp, Genevieve, PhD. Divorce and New Beginning: Guide to Recovery and Growth, Solo Parenting and Step Families. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. New York, 1992.
  2. Fisher, Bruce, Robert E. Alberti and Virginia M. Satir. Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends. Impact Publishers, Inc., 1999.
    Synopsis and/or review: In its third printing, this book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. Bruce Fisher, Ed.D. (1931-1998) was the founder and director of the Family Relations Learning Center in Boulder, Colorado. He was a divorce therapist, author, teacher and a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D., is a psychologist marriage & family therapist, Fellow of the American Psychological Association, clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and author/coauthor of several books. A 287-page volume that demands us to do some work, but it is well worth the effort.
  3. Johnston, Janet R., Linda E. G. Campbell, Judith S. Wallerstein. Impasses of Divorce: The Dynamics and Resolution of Family Conflict. ISBN, 1998.
  4. Kingma, Daphne Rose. Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours. Crest, 1989
    Synopsis and/or review: Clearly, one of the most complicated and devastating experiences of life, next to the death of a loved one, is the death of a relationship. Daphne Rose Kingma offers a process and a way of examining relationships that is not only healing and helpful through the process and after, but provides the basis for using the breakup of a relationship to become stronger and more able to love again. Do you fight too much? Are your differences irreconcilable? Are you bored? Are you emotionally distant? Some relationships shouldn't be saved. Sometimes breaking up is the right path to take. COMING APART eases the pain and takes the guilt out of breaking up. Learn how easy it is to take the next step in your personal development with this wise, reassuring guide.
  5. Mercer, Diana and Marcia Kline Pruitt. Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce. Fireside, 2001.
    Synopsis and/or review: A lawyer and a psychologist offer a groundbreaking divorce strategy that protects both your finances and your family. From your first thought of divorce through the final paperwork, Your Divorce Advisor takes you step by step toward a divorce that dissolves the marriage but not your dignity, your sense of family, or your financial security. Whether you hire a lawyer or a mediator, or do it yourself, this practical, direct, and empowering guide offers you the wise counsel you need for both the legal and the emotional processes of ending your marriage.
    Your Divorce Advisor shows you how to:
    Keep a healthy perspective that leads to a successful legal strategy and recognize when emotions threaten your case, and protect your assets without destroying your family.
    Offering: Detailed coverage of all your legal options and guidance through every legal step, including anticipating the emotional repercussions of your decisions, more information on custody than any other divorce book, including age-appropriate custody schedules, and a sample divorce agreement explained one paragraph at a time.
    Your Divorce Advisor helps you set yourself and your family on a positive course toward a new life.
  6. Swallow, Wendy. Breaking Apart: A Memoir of Divorce. Hyperion, 2001.
    Synopsis and/or review: This graceful and engrossing memoir of marriage, divorce and rebuilding a life will attract many women readers. Swallow, a former staff writer at the Washington Post, admits that she shouldn't have married Ron, an attractive, volatile intellectual 10 years her senior, because "the person I didn't know very well was that laughing girl with the curly hair and the vulnerable eyes, the one in her mother's wedding dress." She stays married for many reasons: her fantasy of a happy married life; fear of shaming her family; and her need to rescue Ron, whose moods lead to depression and a minor breakdown. A Ph.D. stuck in a government job, jealous of his wife's journalism career, Ron often acts oddly, taking her to a comedy club after she has a miscarriage, for example. Despite their troubles, they have two sons 19 months apart, whom they both adore. When she reaches the breaking point, Swallow assumes that, as the mother, she will get the house, custody of her sons and financial support from her husband. Instead, she is forced to move to a small apartment and live in reduced circumstances. The couples work with a counselor on parenting skills, mediating a divorce that keeps their concern for the children at the forefront. Many readers will warm to Swallow; she is neither angry, self-important nor overly analytical. But some will feel that she's revealed too much about her former husband's emotional problems and too little of his side of the story.
  7. Trafford, Abigail. Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life. Haper Perennial Library, 1993
    Synopsis and/or review: A common sense, compassionate, human book about the crazy process that more than half of us go through. This should be required reading with all marriage licenses. A fully revised and updated edition of the essential guide for men and women moving through the turmoil of divorce.
  8. Wallerstein, Judith S. Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce. Basic Books, 1996.
    Synopsis and/or review: Based on the Children of Divorce Project, the landmark study of how children, adolescents and their parents cope during the first five years after a family dissolution, Surviving the Breakup revolutionized the way society thought about divorce. Among other things, its findings showed how the adjustment of the child depends more on what happens after the divorce than on the conditions of the pre-divorce family, that the father-child relationship does not diminish in importance regardless of how infrequent their contact becomes and that the child's anger and yearnings can lat for an extraordinarily long time.
  9. Wallerstein, Judith S., et al. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. Hyperion, 2000.
    Synopsis and/or review: During the last 40 years, our society's views on how families are created and how they operate has undergone a tremendous shift. In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, authors Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee have assembled a variety of stories from people of different ages and life stages. Some are children of divorce, some are from families that stayed unhappily intact, but all of them offer valuable information important to all of us as parents, children, and members of society at large. Separate chapters focus on the different roles children take on in the event of a divorce or unhappy marriage, ranging from positive role model to deeply troubled adolescent. In many cases, the people interviewed continue to define themselves as children of divorce up to 30 years after the occurrence; this is described by one subject as "sort of a permanent identity, like being adopted or something."
    Both encouraging and thought-provoking, the final chapter questions how we maintain the freedom made possible by divorce while, at the same time, minimizing the damage. The authors' response to this question begins with pragmatic suggestions about strengthening marriage--not bland "family values" rhetoric but practical how-to ideas combined with national policy initiatives that have been making the rounds for years. With fascinating stories and statistics, Wallerstein, Lewis, and Blakeslee have illuminated the improvements within reach while our society experiences these massive changes in its most fundamental relationships
  10. Wallerstein, Judith S. and Sandra Blakeslee. Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce. New York: Ticknor & Fields, 1989
    Synopsis and/or review: In 1971, Judith Wallerstein began a study of 16 middle-class families in the midst of divorce. Over the years, she has remained in close touch with these men and women and their children. She has observed adults as they reorganize their lives and reflect on the choices they made, and she has seen children come of age and venture forth into relationships of their own. At every step, she and her colleagues carefully recorded the progress of each family member - their frustrations, fears, and disappointments as well as their hopes, triumphs, and new beginnings.
    The result is a picture of divorce unlike any we have seen before, based on the only ten-year longitudinal study of divorce ever conducted. Vivid, authoritative, and extraordinarily compelling, Second Chances provides the first comprehensive account of long-term emotional, economic, and psychological effects of divorce on adults and children.
    Through the actual experiences of these very different families, Dr. Wallerstein explores at first hand the complexities, tragedies, and opportunities inherent in divorce. She has come to know al of the families intimately, and they speak here with startling candor and urgency. They life stories bring home - more powerfully than any statistics - how divorce is reshaping the American family.


Faith-Based (non-Jewish) Resources:
  1. Adams, Jay Edward. Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible. New York: Zondervan Publishing House, 1986.
    Synopsis and/or Review: Many pastors, counselors and theologians consider this book the most helpful on the issue of marriage and divorce. This book is a valuable resource for the pastor, the counselor, and the church leader (as well as other individuals) who are struggling to understand and apply scriptural principles to the problems of divorce and remarriage.
  2. Dycus, Barbara. God's Design for Broken Lives: Rebuilding After Divorce. Atlanta: Gospel Pub House, 1994.
  3. Keener, Craig S. And Marries Another: Divorce and Remarriage in the Teaching of the New Testament.
    Synopsis and/or Review: Sensitive and scholarly exploration of all biblical texts on divorce and remarriage. Sets standard for marriage as permanent, and also frames divorce and remarriage in fallen and sinful worlds. Compassionate handling of the divorced. Highly recommended for those who have been spiritually abused by legalistic and condemning interpretations of the Scripture.
  4. Kniskern, Joseph Warren. When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorce. Baptist Sunday School Board - Baptist Book Stores, 1993. Synopsis and/or Review: Writing from his perspective of both expertise and personal experience, attorney Joseph Kniskern has written a book on divorce recovery that sensitively blends biblical insight with practical professional counsel. "When The Vow Breaks" is written from the perspective of a Christian lawyer who experienced an unwanted separation and divorce--unlike many books on divorce written by happily married counselors or theologians. It tackles the nuts and bolts issues faced in this situation beginning with how a marriage breaks down, ways to achieve reconciliation if possible, use of "tough love" principles in difficult circumstances, how to handle the legal process--beginning with hiring a lawyer, what to expect in court, and using mediation as an alternative to litigation, as well as numerous tips and suggestions for recovery after divorce. After its initial publication in late 1993, the book was one of 5 finalists for the prestigious national "Gold Medallion Award" given by the Christian Booksellers Association. It is now in its 4th printing. I know this book will help and comfort you, or someone you know!
  5. Redding, Mary L. Breaking and Mending: Divorce and God's Grace. Atlanta: Upper Inc., 1998. Synopsis and/or Review: Getting a divorce was the most self-loving, life-affirming, and healthy act I have ever committed -- but the people I cared about and respected most did not agree with me about that. My struggle to reconcile those two realities led, eventually, to my writing Breaking and Mending. The journey has been worthwhile, for along the way I found a new understanding of God's grace, an understanding that has changed the way I look at myself and the world.
    I found out very quickly after I divorced that most Christian people thought it was okay to be divorced only if I were miserable about it. And I was not miserable about it. My divorce came after a long, painful struggle in a destructive marriage, and getting away from the unrelenting anguish was a profound relief. That does not mean that life was always rosy (anyone who says that will probably lie about other things), but I was at least facing life honestly. I had not been doing that. For years I had been praying for help in private and pretending in public that things were okay -- because the church wasn't comfortable with anyone doing otherwise. One of the sad realities of being both Christian and in a bad marriage is that many people see those two as mutually exclusive. Good Christians don't have bad marriages. Because I had absorbed that idea, admitting the reality of my situation was tantamount to saying that I must not really be a good Christian. If I were, my marriage would be salvageable. But I finally had to admit to myself that I could not make my marriage work and that I could no longer bear the pain and loneliness. I had to admit that the dream I had had for my life was never going to come true. I felt like a failure. I don't pull any punches. I wanted to give an honest picture of what is has been like for me. That means I talk about sexual predators and about the struggle to find a place in a church that seems geared to deal with traditional families. It means I write about issues of doubt and questioning, grief and depression. There are things in this book that I'd really prefer people not know about me -- but not to include them would give only a partial picture of the struggles related to divorce. I am a real person, warts and all, and I want other real people to know that we are not alone as we face life. Even when we feel like failures, God is with us. God is working within us and reaching out to us, offering life.
  6. Woodrow, Ralph Divorce and Remarriage: What Does the Bible Really Say? Ralph Woodrow Evangelistic Association, Inc., 1982. Synopsis and/or Review: "I thoroughly benefited from your book?I thank God that you have care and courage enough to refute the legalist posture regarding this controversial issue. A great many believers (myself included) have suffered unspeakable agonies and the hands of some of our won brother in Christ?Your book has released a heavy load of fear and guilt which I have carried as a special burden before God for too many years. Thank you so much for caring enough to write it."


For Parents
  1. Issacs, M., Montalvo, B. and Abelsohn, D. The Difficult Divorce: Therapy for Children and Families. Basic Books, New York, 1986. (Steve Z Bulletin Review)
  2. Lasnsky, Vicki. Divorce Book for Parents. Book Redders, Minnetonka, MN, 1996


For Kids
  1. Kedementz, Jill. How It Feels When Parents Divorce. Alfred Knopf, New York, 1998.
  2. Rofes, Eric, Ed.. The Kids Book of Divorce (By, For and About Kids). Vintage Books (Random House), New York, 1981.


Parents / Custody
  1. 101 Ways to be a Long distance Super Dad or Mom Too! Blossom Valley Press (email: argonne@azstornet.com)
  2. Black, James and Cantor, Donald. Child Custody. Columbia University Press, 1989. (Steve Z Bulletin Review)
  3. Fulberg J., Ed. Joint Custody and Shared Parenting. The Bureau of National Affairs, Inc., Association of Family Conciliation Courts, 1984.
  4. Galper, M. Co-Parenting: Sharing Your Child Equally. Running Press, Philadelphia, 1978.
  5. Luepnitz, D. Child Custody: A Study of Families after Divorce. Lexington Books, Lexington, MA, 1982.
  6. Maccoby, Eleanor and Minookin, Robert. Dividing the Child: Social and Legal Dilemmas of Custody. Harvard University Press, Cambridge, MA, 1992.
  7. Ricci, Isolina. Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Shared Custody Work. Collier Books (Macmillan Publishing), New York, 1980.
  8. Roman, M. and Hadad, W. The Disposable Parent. Hultz Reinhard and Winston, New York, 1978.
  9. Weithorn, Lois, Ed. Psychology and Child Custody Determination: Knowledge, Rules and Expertise. Lincoln University, Nebraska, 1987. (Steve Z Bulletin Review)
  10. Wooky, P. The Custody Handbook. Summit Books, New York, 1979.
  11. Wore, C. Sharing Parenting after Divorce. Viking Press, New York, 1985.


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