Q.   My son will be starting preschool in the fall. I love the school and think that it is the right choice for him, but I worry about how to get him ready to go. He is somewhat clingy and doesn't particularly like new situations. Is there anything I can do to make this transition easier for him and for me?

Starting preschool is a big step for young children and their parents. It is exciting to watch your child take this new developmental leap. They will meet and get to know new children and have creative and exciting experiences in this new environment. Some young children do have some difficulty dealing with both separation and new situations so it does make sense to try to make this important transition as easy as possible. The transition can also be difficult for parents. Leaving our children at school for the first time can bring up all sorts of feelings in us as well. Parents can also have separation anxiety even when they know that they have chosen a wonderful program. Here are some suggestions to ease the transition for the child and the parent.

• Find out from the school what the policy is for the first day of school. Can you stay with your child? For how long? Do they want you to settle your child quickly and then leave? It is important to find out in advance so you can prepare your child for what will be happening.
• One of the best things you can do is to get your child together with another child in the class so he will know someone on that first day. You can ask the teacher for a roster of the class and then call one of the other parents to arrange a play date. The more children he knows in the class, the more comfortable he will be.
• A couple of weeks before school starts, you can begin to talk about it. You may want to read some of the wonderful children's books about starting school. The neighborhood libraries have many books on the subject. Just check with the librarian. You can also drive by the school so your son can see the building. If possible you can ask the school if you can bring your son in to see the classroom. If he can meet the teacher, that is even better.
• Many children have difficulty separating from their parents on that first day of school. Some children have a hard time for longer. If the school wants you to leave after settling your child, it is important to make the leave-taking short and sweet. It is tempting to want to stay around until your child stops crying, but usually once you are gone, the teacher can help the child get involved with all the activities in the classroom. It is the transition that is the hardest for the child, so the longer the parent drags it out, the more upset the child will become. Also the child looks to you to see if the school is a good place. If you seem hesitant to leave, then he begins to feel uncomfortable about staying.
• Some parents have found that having a "goodbye" ritual helps the child to separate. This ritual can be something that you say to each other, or a special signal or wave. Children respond well to rituals because they are comforting. You can also leave something with your child so if he misses you, he can look at it or hold it and know that you love him. This object should be small enough to fit in a pocket. It could be a special rock, a Kleenex or handkerchief, or even a lipstick kiss on the hand.
• Let your child know when you will return. Explain it in terms that the child will understand, "I will pick you up after nap" rather than a specific time. Be sure to arrive on time. Children worry if they don't see their parents when the other parents arrive. If you know that you are going to be late, call the school so they can tell your child.
• Parents can also have difficulty with separation. If your child cries when you leave, you worry about how he feels. If your child doesn't cry, you worry that he isn't attached. If you are really concerned, call the school. They will tell you how your child is doing. Once you feel really comfortable with the teachers and see that your child is adjusting, you will feel much better. Starting school is an adjustment for everyone, but after a few days or weeks depending on the child, usually everything has settled down and it is wonderful to see your child flourishing in a stimulating environment.

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