Q.   Lately it's been so hard to relax and enjoy being in our play-group with my 18 month old son. He is constantly snatching things from other children. I'm trying to teach him how to share but nothing I do or say works.

It's hard if not impossible to share, even for us grown-ups. Mostly we take turns. Children understand the true meaning of sharing and have the impulse control to willingly take turns when they reach the age of three or so. A toddler has very little control over his impulse to touch and hold something another child has.

As he goes through this stage, try to divert the "snatches" from ever happening, by shadowing him and being right there to facilitate interactions with the other children. It is a tedious task but you will be helping him lay down neural pathways for this new behavior (not acting on his impulse). The more he is taken through the appropriate motions, the better those pathways will get laid and the easier it will be for him to do it on his own. This is an on-going process with children and you may not see the rewards for a long while, but do trust that it is helping.

Learning to share takes maturity, plenty of opportunities to have relationships with other children, and a positive model and system to copy. But, the comfort a child gets from knowing that he does not always have to share or that he won't be forced to share may actually be the security the child needs to gradually learn to accept the idea of taking turns, and eventually feeling good about it.

Sylvia Ford, Early Childhood Consultant