Q.   My children are driving me nuts with their bickering and squabbling! Any suggestions?

Sibling rivalry has existed as long as there have been families. Classical literature is full of perfectly horrid things that brothers and sisters have done to each other. Cain killed Abel, Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery and Cinderella's stepsisters tried their best to keep her from the ball. Sibling rivalry is a natural part of human existence. That said, there are many things you can do as a parent to reduce sibling conflicts.

• Draw children into problem solving before situations erupt. For example, before a long drive, set aside 10 minutes for the children to decide how to choose seats.
• If conflict arises, start by helping children define the problem, using words like, "It seems to me?"
• Children should be encouraged to work out their own solutions to routine squabbles, but parents need to intervene when rivalry escalates into emotional or physical danger.
• Don't underestimate the power of your words to stop fights. A consistent and repeated rule such as, "We don't hurt anyone in our family, no matter how we feel," will eventually sink in.
• With younger children the best technique is to distract or separate them when there's a problem. Don't try to find out who's at fault. Treat the children as a unit with a time out for everyone.
• Give older children the responsibility of finding their own solutions. It's okay to say, "It sounds like you guys have something to work out. Go upstairs, and by the way, close the door."
• Teach children to handle conflict by modeling behavior, holding family meetings and using role-playing to try out alternative responses. Remember that while children are arguing about cookies and TV shows, they are learning to compete without being hostile, resolve conflicts with compromise, to stand up for themselves and to have empathy for others.