• Be absolutely firm about safety issues. Then, remember how firm, calm and confident you are about safety issues when you set limits in other areas.
• Eliminate potential surprises by letting children know when to expect transitions. A timer is a really effective tool for keeping younger kids on track. Try, "Time for bed when the timer rings," or "Let's see if you can get dressed before the timer rings."
• Make the time to think about the limits you want to set and their logical consequences. Let older children help you create the family rules.
• Make the desired behavior part of a sequence with something pleasant or fun at the end. "As soon as you brush your teeth, we'll read your favorite story."
• When a problem erupts, try a "time away" cooling-off period to allow everyone to calm down instead of a "time out," which is usually imposed as a punishment.
• Be a positive role model. Children are watching and learning from you all the time. If you expect to be treated with respect, treat your children with respect. If you say no yelling or hitting, then don't scream or spank.
• Save your battles for the important things. And, never threaten unless you are prepared to carry out your threat.
• Make sure your child is listening when you talk. Don't use too many words, and drop down to her level so you can speak eye-to-eye. It helps children maintain focus.
• If you hear language you don't like or rude backtalk, you can say, "I don't talk to you like that and I don't want you to talk to me that way. I'm prepared to listen when you can talk to me politely." Then, leave.
• Gently, but firmly, remove children from bad situations. Separate children who are fighting. Leave a restaurant when confronted with behavior that's not quite ready for prime time. Although it may be embarrassing or inconvenient, leaving is a very effective tool.

Teach children to pause and take a few deep breaths when they are upset, so they can learn how to think before they react.